


Overdose

by ninibears_erigom



Series: Overdose [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Chanyeol Smut, EXO Smut, F/M, kai smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 18:35:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17064986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninibears_erigom/pseuds/ninibears_erigom
Summary: Addiction. It’s something that you can’t completely get rid of, it’s an every day battle. As someone with an addictive personality, you find that you are easily addicted to things that are harmful to you but they give you a rush unlike any other. Drugs. Alcohol. Sex. Pleasure and Pain. You manage to come clean and learn healthy ways to cope through music; dancing and singing soon become your addiction - until you find yourself hooked on two boys who are also addicted to you.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This story has two endings: Park Chanyeol or Kim Jongin. You can read both or whoever you wish.

“Where’s Minseok?” Jongin lazily hangs his arm over his girl’s shoulder, as they settle on the couch while the rest of the group shake their head at him.

He doesn’t mind that they call them his ‘flavour of the week’ girls, even the girls he’s with know that the relationship isn’t permanent.

“Minseok had work so he’s running a bit late.” Jongin nods his head while his girl wraps her arms around his neck, vying for his attention because she knows that come the end of the weekend, he most likely won’t look at her again. “But before we go to the party, did you guys see the new girl in class? The weird one.”

“Baekhyun!” Junmyeon reprimands the younger male, even though he slightly agrees but being the leader of the group, he needs to set an example.

“What!?” The faded red haired boy whined. “It’s true, she never spoke, never even looked at anyone and when we had to split into pairs, she stood off in the corner doing her own thing.”

“Maybe she’s shy?” Jongdae propped up on his elbows on the floor of the dorm living area, looking up at his friends with a gentle smile on his face. “She’s new plus I don’t think she’s from around here.” Jongin keeps quiet while his girl nibbles on his ear, his hand absentmindedly drawing circles on the inside of her spread thighs.

This girl is perfect for him, always ready but right now, he’s entranced by the conversation going on.

“Don’t even think about it, Kim Jongin.” Sehun throws a pillow at the pink haired boy, who manages to duck in time. “I know that look on your face and you better back the fuck off.” Jongin scoffs as everyone in the room agrees with the youngest friend.

“She’s in all of our classes but she’s always alone. Chanyeol tried talking to her but…” Jongdae looks over at the tall giant, whose large ears stick out from under the cap that covers his bright red head of hair, “she kind of looked at him strange and then walked away.”

“She’s not from Korea; she’s an international student who got a scholarship to this University.” Kyungsoo doesn’t look up from the book that’s held his attention since they finished getting ready, as he informs everyone of the information he knows. “I heard her talking to the teacher before our dance class; she said she will take a few more lessons to be up to speed with the language. Chanyeol probably scared her.”

“Aish, that’s enough. I’m boooooored~.” Baekhyun whines as his leg starts shaking, causing an annoyed Sehun to look at him because he’s shaking the couch.

“You better stop that, Baek.” Kyungsoo warns, eyes squinting slightly without looking up.

“Can we please just go already? Minseok can catch up when he finishes.” Junmyeon sighs, noticing the subtle impatience spreading through the room as everyone is eager for the evening’s plans.

“Let’s go!” Jongin’s temporary girlfriend squeals in excitement, she discreetly brushes her hand over the crotch of his tight, black jeans while everyone else ignores them to gather their things. “I’ve never been to a party held by the Dance and Music majors before.” Jongin grins at her, knowing exactly what she wants from the evening: sex; two more days and they’re over so he may as well give it to her while he can.

It should bother him that all the girls he gets with only want two things from the lead dancer of the University’s most prized group: Kim ‘Kai’ Jongin as a trophy on their belt and the feel of his hips against them.

It should bother him but it doesn’t.

Yet.

“You have to go, dear.” Your mother soothes your nerves over the phone. Well, she tries. “It sounds like a great way to meet new friends and get a feel for the place.” You groan, already feeling the growing pit of anxiety in your stomach and hear the detrimental thoughts that speak in the back of your mind. “I have to go, darling; just remember what Dr Young said and you’ll be fine. Have fun and please be safe. You deserve this.” With a muttered ‘I love you’, you’re left holding onto the now quiet phone.

You look in the mirror to see tired, empty eyes staring back at you; it’s your first day at the  _prestigious_  Seoul Arts University and it hasn’t been the easiest. It’s been six months since you left rehab and you are starting to feel the need; even though you promised yourself you wouldn’t give in, that this is a fresh start for you, you can’t help but notice how different everything is.

The men, the women, the fashion, language, food, everything that makes you different makes you stand out and you begin to wonder if you pushed for this scholarship too early; standing out and being different is something you don’t cope well with.

Unconsciously scratching the healed cuts on your wrist, your mind starts to wander as those dangerous thoughts try to pull you back into the darkness that resides inside you; the blood, the pain, the pleasure, the sex, the drugs, the alcohol and the regretful mornings.

_➳ “Hey, look. It’s the freak.” The popular girl in high school pushes you from behind and you fall over on the concrete, skinning your palms and covered knees. “Track pants and a hoodie in the middle of summer, what kind of weirdo are you?” The other girls laugh along with her as they begin to call you names, pushing you down every time you tried to stand up._

_➳ That’s when something inside you snapped._

_➳ Who are these bitches? Who are they to call you names and judge you without knowing anything? They wouldn’t last a day in the life you live._

_➳ Anger propels you forward, tackling the ring leader to the ground and all you can see is red as you begin punching your tormentor in the face._

_➳ Red that fuels your already uncontrolled anger._

_➳ Red that begins to cover your fists._

That’s when your parents decided to get you help, help that you didn’t want at the time. You were seen by a professional and after a few private sessions, she discovered your addictions.

Drugs, sex and alcohol.

The self-harming was a by-product of these three things, at first she thought you had suicidal tendencies until she learn that what caused you to slice the soft skin of your wrists repeatedly, wasn’t the yearning for death but the need for the rush it gave when you saw the crimson red orbs blossom on your lightly tanned skin.

You were addicted to pleasure  _and_ pain, that was the problem.

That  _is_  the problem.

Arriving at the Dance Meet, is how Jongin imagines a Red Carpet event would be; except they would be dressed to the nines in tailored suits instead of their current attire. Not that they aren’t turning heads already as they walk into the large warehouse filled with everyone who majors in Music and Dance at their University plus students from other academies and universities.

The Dance Meet only happens once a year and is a great way to meet new people, size up competitions and blow off some steam before the mid-terms.

This is Jongin and Sehun’s second attendance as the first year was how they managed to get picked for the group; even though they are younger than the other members, they proved to be very talented and so they were pushed into the same classes as their hyungs to create the widely talented group: EXO.

EXO; together for just over a year but they have already bonded quickly and act like brothers. Their various talents and personalities have caused them to become Seoul Arts University’s pride and joy.

Park Chanyeol; the red-haired giant with a sweet smile and soft heart is talented in a range of instruments and writes and produces a lot of their music.

Kim Junmyeon; the bleach-blonde male is the level-headed leader who acts like a mother when the group needs to be kept in check.

Do Kyungsoo; the black-haired silent but deadly one who manages to keep not only a loud Baekhyun under control but a singing and acting major under his belt.

Byun Baekhyun; the faded red-haired group’s loudmouth and annoyingly flirtatious pup with a voice like an angel.

Kim Jongdae; the black-haired male is the sweetest guy you could ever meet whose vocal range is unmatched.

Kim Minseok; the pink-haired male is the oldest of the group whose talent stretches through the rap, dance and vocal line.

Zhang Yixing; the black-haired male has a scholarship from China and a talent for dance and producing music.

Oh Sehun; the blonde male is the youngest and most mischievous of the group, he enjoys harassing his hyungs but when it comes down to crunch time – he’s dedicated.

Then there’s Kim Jongin; the face of the group, the pink-haired, dark-skinned dancer who can move his body in many ways but he has a secret lying under the façade he shows.

You arrived, pulling the hood of your jacket over your head to avoid the stares anyone may decide to direct towards you; the chatter and music fills your ears, the smell of liquor and sweat invades your nose and there is a certain red-head laughing loudly with a group you recognise; a group you heard all about yesterday when you were given the tour of the campus.

 _Park something._  You frown when you are unable to recall his name, sure that you heard it at some point today but you do remember his smile when he tried to talk to you; a smile that lit up his face and softened his features.

An addictive smile.

That’s why you walked away, not because he scared you but because you find yourself getting addicted too easily to everything. Lately, things haven’t been too bad; being removed from everything that brought up the traumatic past seems to help you move forward but you can’t change who you are.

Caffeine and music have become your latest addictions but your mother refuses to call them such.

 _“Coping mechanisms.”_  Is what she likes to call them, even though you live with headphones around your neck and cannot skip a day since rehab without three cups of coffee; but you know that she still struggles with your past as you do especially when your father passed.

_➳ “Y/N.” Your mother calls through her sobs, reaching out for you to come and see him, for you to be her comfort now that the only man she’s ever loved is lying cold next to her._

_➳ You don’t move, you want to but your feet are rooted to the ground where you are standing. The hangover from the night before pounds through your body and you can’t stand the feeling of relatives looking at you – judging you, pitying you._

_➳ So you run, run from your mother who is grieving and crying, run from your father whose untimely death brings nothing but heartache to your already broken life and run from the mess you created when you stumbled in the door from a wild night out on the night before the funeral._

“Hi.” A hand is waving in front of your eyes before you come out of your flashback, the sick feeling fading with the memory as you focus on the face behind the moving hand. “Are you okay?” The bright smile you were thinking about earlier catches you by surprise and you look to see only his group looking at you, everyone around you seems to blur into the background noise.

“Um,” you cough, clearing your throat, “yeah I’m fine thanks.” The moment you reply, his eyes widen, surprised by your accent.

“Do you know anyone here?” You shake your head and the smile is back again, that feeling in your veins craves to see it more often. “Come on then, you can hang with us.” Before you can argue, the tall redhead is dragging you towards the group of men.

One of them is eyeing you up like his next meal – despite the woman hanging off his arm.

Chanyeol runs up to his friends, the wide smile growing wider as Sehun pulls his wallet out of his pocket to hand the taller male his well-earned bet.

Sehun bet that he couldn’t get the shy new girl to talk to him. Chanyeol was a little reserved when he approached you especially seen you basically ran away the last time he tried talking to you but here you are, standing next to him and he’s looking like a cat who got the cream.

“This is…” Baekhyun snorts when Chanyeol tries to introduce you, forgetting that he hasn’t asked for your name.

“Y/N.” You offer, the group all greet you warmly and you can immediately see why they are all well-liked by the student body and University faculty.

The only one who hasn’t introduced himself to you is the pink-haired boy who was looking at you earlier because his – what you assume – girlfriend is pulling him away towards the mass of bodies dancing.

It doesn’t stop you two from making eye contact.

That’s when you feel it again. The burning. The craving.

If Chanyeol’s smile is a smouldering ember in the pit of your stomach which screams to be fed then this man’s entire aura is the roaring fire that consumes you entirely.

“So, Y/N,” your attention is back on the group around you, “where did you transfer from?” Junmyeon, the blonde leader with thick black eyebrows and almost cream white skin smiles gently at you and you instantly feel calm; you immediately understand why he’s the leader.

“I… Well-” You stumble for the words to explain why you turned up at such a well-known University half way through the year and already skipping a year.

“Hey!” If you believed in God, you would have thanked him for his miraculous timing as another pink-haired male waltzes up to the group. “Sorry I’m late.” Jongdae – you recognise him from the slightly curved corners of his lips hugs the newcomer as he looks at you, his head tilted to the side as he examines you with careful eyes.

“This is Y/N!” A slightly drunk Baekhyun, with his faded red hair messily hanging in his eyes, wraps an arm around your shoulder and gives you a little shake. “She’s the weird one that wouldn’t ta-”

Kyungsoo, apologising to you, wraps his hand around the back of Baekhyun’s neck and he automatically stops – like he’s used to the action.

“Ahh, the new girl.” Your cheeks flush as the newcomer extends a hand to shake yours. “I’m Minseok, glad to put a name to the face.” He’s easy enough to get along with but not as warm as Chanyeol, who is grinning down at you with his wide smile and ears sticking out from under his hat.

“Now, that you’ve met everyone,” he snatches the notes out of Sehun’s reluctantly out-stretched hand, “I’ll shout you a drink.”

“NO!” You yell a little too loudly and everyone in earshot freezes, you feel your entire body start to curl inwards at the sudden attention and your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “I mean no thank you. I’m not a big drinker.”

You lied.

You are.

You can probably drink everyone in the group under the table and stumble home to drink some more – until you wake up in hospital, having your stomach pumped…again.

“Well, how about we dance?” The smile falters a little at the distress evident on your face but shines brighter when you nod; glad to be able to find a distraction from the sudden smell of beer wafting over from a group nearby.

The smell churns your stomach but you crave it at the same time and so you are glad to find something else to distract you.

Music.

And a certain redhead’s bright toothy smile.

Chanyeol is over the moon when you walk with him to the dance floor, he’s not sure why but there is something about the way you hold yourself that attracts his attention. He’s never had someone run away from him before and you are different in more way than just looks; you are originally from a different country, know a different language, carry yourself differently and that intrigues him.

Chanyeol loves new things, anything new and different is always a treasure to Park Chanyeol and with you; he just struck gold.

You also reacted so strangely to his offer and he wants to know why.

That’s the thing with Chanyeol, he isn’t often the most subtle person but tonight, he restrains himself from asking the questions that burn on the tip of his tongue so instead, he watches you.

You smile, the smile grabs him by the chest and warms him up inside, while you sway your hips to the music. Chanyeol isn’t a dancer; that is Sehun, Yixing and Jongin so he just awkwardly bobs while you gracefully move in front of him.

Hypnotising him.

Drawing him in.

He didn’t notice that you grabbed his hands and are currently pulling him closer as the song changes to a slower tempo.

You lose yourself in the moment, in the music whenever you feel free enough to move but he doesn’t know this. Chanyeol only sees it as a pretty girl pulling him closer so he does just that.

He moves with you, you place his hands on your hips and instruct him to follow you. The shyness from earlier evaporating as you lose yourself to the music and he loses himself in you.

He doesn’t realise it yet but he’s drunk off you, the feeling is exhilarating as you both smile at each other while his friends look on with confusion because for once – Chanyeol isn’t making a fool of himself while dancing.

But there is one friend who isn’t finding this amusing, instead he’s completely ignoring his date for the night while he glares over at his bright red-haired friend laughing and dancing with the girl who looks like she can almost match  _him_  on the dancefloor – and bedroom.

Chanyeol ignores all of this, all around him the world is a blur and the only light he can see is your smile which captivates him and he finds himself unable to hear, smell or see anything other than you. Chanyeol places his hands lower, tips splaying around your firm ass and you instantly freeze under the tender touch, but he doesn’t notice instead he tries to go in for a taste – his body suddenly needing you.

“Yeol!” A voice snaps him out of his distracted haze and he sees your wide eyes looking up in shock.

How did you get so close? You’re tall enough where he isn’t bent far to reach you but your soft lips are closer than he remembers.

Why is his heart racing like crazy? He struggles to calm his breathing and regain composure.

“Well, that was quite the show.” Baekhyun slaps his tall friend on the shoulder as you both awkwardly take a step away from each other and avoid eye contact. “So, Y/N, where’d you learn to dance like that?” His words slur slightly under the influence of alcohol. A blush creeps onto your cheeks as you gape at the question, unsure on how to answer.

“Leave her be, Baek. She’s in our classes so we’ll figure it out some other time.” Chanyeol is quick to defend you which startles everyone – even himself.

“Chill, bro.” Baek shrugs, smiling at the redness of Chanyeol’s ear – they almost match his hair. The shorter knows that you have some kind of effect on his friend if he is so quick to jump in to save you. “I see a pretty brunette waving me over…” Baekhyun doesn’t even try to finish his sentence as he runs in the direction of said woman with his tongue basically hanging out.

“I’m-I’m sorry.” Chanyeol tries to apologise as he walks you back towards the group but you smile at him, lighting him up and warming his soul.

“Don’t worry, Chanyeol.” The way you say his name sends a shiver of excitement through to both your cores, unbeknownst to the other.

“Kai~” His glaring is reined in by the, suddenly annoying, voice of his ‘girlfriend’. “Dance with me.” She pouts as she places his hands on her swaying hips.

“Why don’t we just go back to your place so I can fuck you into the mattress?” His voice is strained and his words harsh but the dark-haired, alcohol driven female smiles.

“She’s your next hit, right?” He frowns as the woman giggles and grinds her ass against his crotch. He hates how his cock immediately responds, he hates how he can’t get enough of burying himself deep inside different woman until he’s bored and moves onto the next.

He hates it but  _needs_  it.

 _His next hit_. Her words resonate through his impaired mind as he growls and presses himself firmly against the body grinding against him. His woman moans at the feeling of his hardness against her ass.

“I’m ready to go when you are.” She leans against his shoulder, her words fading into the background despite the closeness as you look in his direction.

It’s not a look of desire that you give him but fear, why do you fear him? His eyebrows knit together in confusion.

You don’t know him so why would you be so fearful of him when you were laughing and dancing with his friend moments ago?

Jongin allows himself to be dragged from the Meet by the woman he’s dating and back to her dorm.

She kisses him, while he thinks about how soft your peachy lips would feel against his; Jongin imagines what you would taste like.

She begins undressing him, while he thinks about your soft hands touching and exploring every curve and crevice his body has; Jongin imagines how gentle you would be.

She undresses herself, while he thinks about your lightly tanned skin shining in the moonlight; Jongin imagines the curves of your wide hips and the soft skin that covers them.

She bends over the bed and shakes her nearly non-existent ass in his direction, while he thinks about nipping the skin of your larger, curvy ass; Jongin imagines how it would wiggle if you shake it.

He absentmindedly rams into her and she moans at the harsh entrance, while he thinks about lying you down on the bed and gently making his way inside you; Jongin imagines how sweetly you would moan his name.

He grabs her jet black hair and pulls at her ponytail as he sets a fast and merciless pace, while he thinks about your honey blonde hair spread around you like a halo; Jongin imagines what kind of shampoo you use to make it so shiny.

She squeezes her eyes shut as she’s pressed into the mattress while her orgasm rakes through her body, while he thinks about how your bright blue eyes would close in bliss as you clenched around his cock; Jongin imagines getting lost inside your eyes.

Once he’s spent, he doesn’t think twice about getting dressed; quickly throwing on the discarded items and tidying up his appearance.

“You’re leaving already?” He grunts in response, buttoning up his shirt and not looking in the direction of the woman he just came inside. “You’re going to run off to find that girl from before, the one who Chanyeol was practically drooling over?” Hearing his friend’s name being brought up causes Jongin’s hands to freeze.

Could he do that to his friend, to his hyung, his brother?

As much as Jongin hates himself for the answer he knows will cross his lips, he doesn’t regret it. He  _has_  to know you, he has to figure out this aching feeling in his chest whenever he sees you look in his direction with such a fearful expression or look at another man with a smile on your sweet lips.

“You’re hopeless, Kim Jongin. You’re after nothing but a good fuck because you said so yourself; you  _need_  it to relieve the stress in your life. Just because she’s new and different doesn’t mean she’s going to fill that hole you call a heart.” The spiteful words cut through him and Jongin glares darkly at her, she shrinks back because she knows full well that Kim Jongin isn’t a man to be spoken to disrespectfully.

He’s never hit a woman, not without permission but when he has – some say they couldn’t sit down for days, their asses bruised from the intensity of his frustrations.

“Obviously you weren’t good enough to keep me around for another two days.” Is all he says before slamming the door behind him; he needs to find you before you leave the Meet.

“Thank you for walking me back to my dorm.” You smile up at Chanyeol, his bright smile making your own smile easy. “It may seem strange but can I ask you a question?” Chanyeol nods his head enthusiastically and you giggle as his hat nearly falls off his head. “Who was the other guy with you, the one with the girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend?” Chanyeol’s scrunches his face as he thinks, a detail you find cute. “Oh,” his eyes widen as he figures out whom you are talking about, “you mean Jongin. I wouldn’t call her his girlfriend though; he goes through women quicker than Baekhyun goes through clothes.” You slowly nod your head, making a mental note to avoid Jongin at all cost because if that’s his reputation then you don’t want to be dragged down to that darkness again.

“Would you like a coffee before you leave?” You turn the doorknob and open the door slightly wider to empathise the invitation.

“No, thank you.” Chanyeol looks away shyly, his cheeks tinting pink as a shy smile appears on his face.

“Hmm, maybe next time?” You surprise yourself with the forwardness but something about Chanyeol makes you feel safer than you have since you left rehab. Your offer makes him look at you, eyes crinkling under the intensity of his smile.

“I’d like that. See you in class?” You nod and Chanyeol bows, losing his hat and you have to cover your mouth with your hand to stop the loud laugh that erupts through your lips.

“Good night Chanyeol.” You close the door, your heart beats happily as you undress and prepare for bed.

Maybe things will be alright after all.


	2. Chapter Two

A month seems to fly past and you allow yourself to live within the illusion of bliss, believing that your life is deserving of happiness as you spend your days breaking down the walls that surround you and let this blossoming new friendship with a tall, bright eyed gentleman to flourish.

Like a flower in the spring, enjoying the rays that the sun shines upon it.

Your mother and doctor recognise a healthy change in direction with your behaviour, no longer were you ringing to convince them that you weren’t coping but instead you are calling to tell your mother about your days with your new friends – with the exclusion of one person. Your confidence and participation in classes were growing and the teachers were thoroughly impressed with your skills and raw talent.

Although his bright, toothy – addictive – smile naturally draws you towards him, you find the possibility of falling off the wagon lessen the more time you spend with him.

Except when he presses his body against yours when the boys have dragged you to the local club, sober as you are, and his drunken confidence grinds against you as you try to concentrate on the music. This is when that line between the light and dark begins to blur so you try to keep the distance on these occasions but this doesn’t  _always_  work and you end up spending the night, resisting the urge to intertwine your fingers in his bright red hair and regretting ever leaving your room.

You are grateful for Chanyeol’s constantly warm presence because it’s the only thing that keeps your sanity from drifting over the edge when another presence keeps you awake at night; who’s eyes watch from a distance as your body moves to the beat – whether in class or in the club, milk chocolate eyes hidden behind soft pink hair that hungrily watch as his friend places his hands on your hips and keeps in time to the music.

You have made it your mission to avoid Kim Jongin, if you can help it, always rejecting Chanyeol’s offers to spend time in his dorm; only ever spending time during the day in your dorm room or at the on-campus café with Baekhyun and Jongdae – two people who do have helped you out of the reclusive shell you hide inside but try as you might to completely forget your past, life has its way of torturing you in the end.

How can you survive living like this? Living your days watching over your shoulder in case Jongin walks around the corner.

Can you rely on Chanyeol to pull you back forever? As much as he helps you, you know it isn’t fair to do such a thing.

“Y/N?” A quiet voice calls your attention as you stare at the coffee cup in front of you, thoughts dissipating as you turn your attention to the person who’s sitting in front of you. “I know you don’t like these events but Chanyeol’s going to ask you.” You blink a few times, eyebrows knitted together in confusion as you read his squinted eyes.

Again, Kyungsoo forgot to wear his glasses.

“The inter-university ball.” Kyungsoo sighs, lifting his own black espresso to his lips as he waits for you to click.

You came to the café with Kyungsoo to help go over notes that you need for the theoretical exams that will be pressing upon you in a few months; his presence is quiet and calming and allows you to focus solely on the paper in front of you.

Unlike the other presences that whirl in your mind and surrounds your senses.

“I don’t know, it’s not exactly my scene.” You mumble as you translate his Korean into English for your own notes.

“Because of the addiction?” That one word freezes you to your core and you drop the pen in your hand, head snapping up and eyes wide in fear. Kyungsoo looks undisturbed by your reaction and there is no hint of pity or judgement on his soft, handsome features. Your heart is racing and you can feel yourself starting to hyperventilate while you try to think of an appropriate excuse; one that would throw him off track.

“I- No, it’s- You see…” You can’t form a coherent sentence and Kyungsoo gives you a soft smile, his lips forming a gentle heart as he reaches across the table to place a large hand on top of yours; effectively giving some sense of security.

“I’m not going to say anything but I have noticed, the way you get when you are starting to get uncomfortable, the way you react whenever someone tries to offer you alcohol and the way you avoid Jongin like the plague.” You can hear the words and see the truth in his eyes but all you feel is cold and itchy, like a thousand bees stinging your skin. “Y/N, you can trust me, I’m not going to say anything.” You do trust him but it doesn’t stop you from the weight of reality from crushing you.

If he can figure it out, how long will it take for everyone else to know your dirty little secret?

“I-I have to go,” you abruptly stand up, knocking over the coffee as you hurry to shove your items back into your bag, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Kyungsoo tries to stop you but you rush out of the café and towards the direction of your dorm.

The moment you enter the safety of your room, you run the shower; cold as you feel your skin burning underneath. It’s all in your head, your body isn’t burning up but the anxiety and urges make you feel as if it is. You strip off quickly, nearly ripping the fabric from your skin before you allow the rushing cold water to sting your skin; the pain is only slightly stronger than the urge to find a dealer, a bar, a lover, or all of the above so you stay in the painful comfort of the shower. Sometimes being addicted to physical pain has its benefits.

Sleeping doesn’t come easy tonight, dark eyes watch you when you close your eyes and the cold sweat that slides down the back of your neck isn’t half the reason you toss and turn. That itch sits just under the skin and you can’t seem to scratch it, that dry, parched feeling in your throat and you can’t quench the thirst, that ache between your thighs that you can’t seem to please; the nightmare that has haunted you many nights before while lying in bed in rehab, comes back to taunt you some more.

Reminding you that you will never be free.

Reminding you of what you truly crave.

Dark eyes and pink hair washes your senses and sends your dream state into bliss as you place a hand between your legs to try and ease the aching that has begun to disturb your nightmare; while a sweet smile and red hair brings you down from your high as you fade into a restless sleep.

Chanyeol notices a change in your behaviour, firstly because Kyungsoo had apologised about blowing his cover on asking you to the ball but also because when you walk into class this morning, you were lacking your lustre. Your face is pale and your hair seems visibly faded; Chanyeol resists the urge to run to your side when you avoid his eyes and take your old spot by the corner of the room.

“What did you say to her?” He growls under his breath as he stretches his lanky limbs beside Kyungsoo, who glances regretfully at you. “Why is she looking like that?” Chanyeol can’t help his heart breaking at how depressed and exhausted you look. How can you look like that when this time yesterday you were smiling for him?

“It may be because of the exams.” He doesn’t doubt his friend; not hearing the lie under the words as his wide eyes watch you from afar, unable to comfort you when you don’t want to be comforted.

Chanyeol doesn’t miss the longing way Jongin looks at you, he may even believe that the look on his younger friend’s face is sorrow but Chanyeol knows better.

Jongin doesn’t feel anything for anyone but himself and, maybe, his friends.

Chanyeol can’t recall the last time he’s felt so strongly towards someone before; never if he must be honest with himself. Not until you walked into his life. Chanyeol runs a large hand through his hair, following blindly to what everyone around him does as he tries to remember what life was like before you. A month has gone by so quickly and he can recount every smile, every laugh, every word that has ever been said between you and him but before you walked into class the day of the Meet; he cannot recall anything.

You became his obsession.

His mind craved you, craved to see the curve of the smile on your pink lips, craved to hear the tinkle of your soft laugh, craved to smell the strawberry shampoo you always use, craved to feel the smooth skin of your arm brush shyly against his as he walks you to your dorm after dark, and craved to taste the cinnamon that must sit on your tongue after a cappuccino.

He wanted you like a man who wanted to quench his thirst after a hot day but he knew you were shy and Chanyeol isn’t the kind of person to pressure you; happy to be the shoulder you leaned on when watching late night dramas on your couch.

Yet, he couldn’t help himself when he was around you while the alcohol seeped into his system and made the tall man more confident. Even when he would regret making you feel awkward but he swears in his mind that you enjoy some part of it.

That’s what addiction does, justifies the actions you take to get what you crave.

Chanyeol doesn’t understand what you do to him but you are his addiction, the one thing that can make him feel stronger than any percentage of alcohol.

“Yeol!” The obnoxious voice of Baekhyun calls through his scattered thoughts and he shifts back to reality, confused at how he got back to his dorm with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. “You’ve been spacing out a lot, you okay?” Kyungsoo keeps quiet as he watches Chanyeol’s ears redden at the comment.

“Yeah, I’ve been having some inspiration for a new song…” This isn’t a lie; you have become a wonderful muse for him. “I’m actually going to go to work on that.” He gathers his song books and heads towards the door, but not before he hears Baekhyun’s passing comment.

“Seems like everyone’s been getting inspiration lately, Jongin hasn’t had a ‘girlfriend’ in a month…” Chanyeol feels his blood boil as his hand grips the door handle but a few slow breaths allows his heart beat to calm down and walk out of the room with a clear head.

There can be a hundred different reasons why Jongin hasn’t been living up to his reputation. It couldn’t possibly be because of you – right? Chanyeol shakes his head, rejecting the dark thoughts from clouding his mind as his long legs take him on the familiar path to the studio in the Music Hall.

The silence of the studio is therapeutic for Chanyeol, nothing but the strumming of his guitar, the soft beats that he produces with his keyboard and his voice melding into a melody; a love song with one woman in mind.

Does Chanyeol love you? He has no doubt in his mind that he can if the budding feelings in his heart are allowed to blossom, the caterpillars that nibble at his stomach when you smile in his direction can become butterflies if fed appropriately but there is no doubt, that you are the reason this song has been given life.

Losing track of time, Chanyeol immerses himself in his music; editing and adding to the lyrics that he scribbles across the ink filled pages, creating an upbeat melody solely based around his feelings for you. It’s when he decides to call it a night that he notices he’s not alone in the halls; a light shining through the window of one of the practice rooms.

“Who could that be?” He doesn’t know why he’s so quiet, nearly tiptoeing down to the door until he can peek through the window without being seen; his eyes widen and mouth opens wide as he takes in what’s happening in front of him.

Jongin has a woman up against the mirrored wall, his hand keeping her chin pointed towards the roof while he buries his face into the crook of her neck; her hands curled around in his pink hair as her mouth voices moans that are rendered silent by the bass and Chanyeol is grateful he can’t hear them. Backing away from the primal sight in front of him, Chanyeol reaches for his phone; desperately hoping that what he has seen is his imagination.

“Hello?” Your voice is groggy with sleep as you answer your phone after the third ring; Chanyeol can feel his body relax at this fact. “Chanyeol, is everything okay?” He smiles at the way you say his name.

“Sorry, Y/N, I lost track of time and I didn’t realise how late it was.” He tries to erase the vivid image of a half-naked Jongin pressing a blonde woman against the wall from his mind. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you didn’t seem like you wanted to talk today.” He hears you sigh on the other line and he immediately worries.

Is there something wrong?

“It’s late, Yeollie, I’m sorry for worrying you but I’m okay. I promise.” Chanyeol bids you sweet dreams as he walks out of the hall and towards his dorm.

It wasn’t you.

It wasn’t you.

Another thing with addiction is – your rationality isn’t as rational as you would like to believe. Chanyeol  _knows_  it wasn’t you that Jongin was with in the practice room but the possibility that it  _may_ have been is enough to cause his rational thoughts to turn irrational.

Because Jongin doesn’t deserve you and Chanyeol isn’t going to let him have you.

This dark thought frightens Chanyeol because this isn’t him, Jongin’s his friend and he deserves love to but Chanyeol can’t help but believe that only Chanyeol deserves you.

Over the week, Chanyeol has become more attached to you – ever since he called you that night; always insisting to walk you to classes and back to your dorm when you finished and as much as it should worry you, the impact you are having on his sanity, but you are too blinded by the comfort he brings then to focus on what’s happening outside of your bubble. Chanyeol’s smile grows brighter every time you brush against him and the odd twitching of the fingers as his hand brushes against yours; it shouldn’t make butterflies flutter but it does and you are both terrified but excited at this.

Terrified because you know exactly where it will lead but also excited because this is the first time your feelings have developed normally – healthily.

Not alcohol fuelled where the only emotion you feel is lust as you are pressed against a wall with his hand around your throat and his cock buried deep within your walls.

Not drug induced where you scratch your nails deep into his slightly tanned skin until angry red lines form and his teeth break the soft skin of your shoulder as he bites you so hard that you moan out in pleasure and pain.

This is new and sweet, a new experience – an addiction you wouldn’t mind losing yourself inside.

“I know Kyungsoo has ruined my surprise,” Chanyeol starts off slowly, you sit across from him in the same coffee shop you ran out of earlier this week, “I want to know if you’ll come to the ball with me.” You sip the warm spicy cappuccino and run your tongue along your top lip to catch the froth that you can feel sitting there; you don’t miss the way Chanyeol’s eyes follow the wet muscle.

“I don’t know, Yeol.” His eyes flicker up into yours. “It’s not my scene; I only go to the clubs with you and the boys because you guys won’t leave my couch otherwise.” You can see the lightbulb flash above his head and you inwardly groan at the idea you have just given him.

“So, if I…”

“No, you cannot crash on my couch until I give in.” You can’t help but giggle at the pout that sets on his sweet lips as you pop his bubble. “What is it anyway? I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s basically a fancy way for the universities to show off certain talents from various majors and get us to bring in new donations and allow scouts to see what’s out there.” You perch your chin on the palm of your hand as you listen, nodding as you process his words.

“So basically,” you begin, leaning back and taking another sip, “instead of the universities having to deal with clients, they force their students to get their hands dirty by giving them the prospect of being scouted?” Chanyeol nods and you can’t help but sigh, if there is one thing you hate more than being around a bunch of drunken students is being around drunken rich men. “I don’t know if I can, I’m sorry.”

“Why?” The question throws you off and you have to take a moment to understand what he’s asking. “Why don’t you ever want to do these things with me?”

“Chanyeol-” You try to calm him down, reaching across the table to place your small hand on his.

He deserves the truth; you haven’t lied to him but then you haven’t exactly been honest either but that’s when the anxiety hits you and you open your mouth to speak only to close it again, a cold sweat running down the nape of your neck.

“I’m sorry.” Is all you say as you look away but before you can remove your hand his tightens around yours and you shyly peek through your lashes at his soft smile.

“It’s okay; you’ll tell me when you’re ready, right?” You nod, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth nervously before you smile at him. It’s these moments that you are grateful for him and his kind heart, a heart that can never force you to do something that you don’t feel comfortable with – even when he so desperately needs it.

A relaxing silence falls between you and you barely hear the chime, you completely miss the glare that is given to your friend as the newcomer brushes off the droplets of rain from his leather jacket, running his hand through his pink hair and returning his attention to the counter.

Why would you notice him though? You’ve completely avoided his very existence for an entire month, why would you notice him walking into a coffee shop?

Jongin isn’t the type to look for love and his life definitely isn’t a romantic movie, not that he cared before; so why does it bother him now?

Your laugh rings through and his head turns slightly towards you but he manages to refrain himself from looking completely at the love-sick scene that plays out in the corner of his eye. The way his friend’s eyes crinkle into half-moons with a permanent smile plastered on his face, the hands that hold yours tightly as he watches you intently and the way you glow in the artificial light; it all makes Jongin’s heart clench and he pushes the thought from his mind before it can take root.

_Why can’t that be me?_

He’s never cared before so why does he care now? He knows Chanyeol deserves you more than he does but that doesn’t help Jongin from dreaming about you at night, doesn’t stop him from finding a blonde with similar portions to you, and it definitely doesn’t stop the way he moans your name when he cums.

He desires you, more intensely than he’s ever wanted anyone else and he desires you for more than your body.

“Your coffee, Jongin.” The cute brunette barista calls his name softly and hands him his coffee with a shy smile but he just grunts, taking the coffee and trudging back towards the door.

“I wish you would come with me.” He hears Chanyeol’s voice as he reaches for the handle.

Where did Chanyeol invite you?

“Big parties aren’t exactly my idea of fun, Yeol, plus it’s for the EXO members so I don’t want to get in the way…” The door opens, nearly hitting his coffee out of his hand and Jongin quickly dashes back out into the downpour before hearing more of the conversation.

“So, Chanyeol invited her to the ball…” A small smile spreads across his lips as he bows his head against the rain and speed walks towards the Music Hall; he doesn’t know how he’s going to do it when you refuse to look at him but Jongin knows then and there that he will do anything and everything to get you to smile for him.

Even if he has to break a few hearts along the way.


	3. Chapter Three

It’s hard, Jongin craves your attention and it’s hitting him harder than anything ever has before. He hasn’t had sex in over a week since seeing you with Chanyeol at the café, he’s practicing more than usual to try and curb his desires and at night – you are the last thing he sees when he closes his eyes.

Kim Jongin is utterly and absolutely smitten by you and you haven’t even spoken to him.

He’s determined to change that.

“What are you doing?” Chanyeol stops Jongin after class one day, they both watch you walk to your next class. It’s been two weeks since Chanyeol seen Jongin at the café, the same night he was there with you and ever since that night – the two have been at odds.

“What do you mean?” There’s a hidden smirk behind Jongin’s words as the slightly shorter male raises an eyebrow in mock confusion.

“You haven’t brought any girls to the dorm in over two weeks, I know you’ve been in the practice room a lot more than usual – and not for  _extracurricular_ activities – you’ve actually been practicing. This isn’t like you,  _Kai_.” The use of Jongin’s stage name does nothing to shatter his façade, it only enhances the challenging look.

“Worried, hyung?” Chanyeol tries to stand over Jongin but the latter refuses to back down. “She’s not as innocent as she seems, you might not see it but I do; she’s got a wild side that you can never tame.” He speaks with such confidence that it surprises even himself.

“Why do you even care, Jongin? You’ve never cared about anything other than getting your dick wet, why is it that you care  _now_  when  _I_ like her?” This shatters the calm façade and Chanyeol can see the slight hint of regret under the smile. He wants to believe that Jongin is no good but Chanyeol knows that deep down, Jongin wants love too – he just hates that it’s the woman he wants.

“She’s not yours until she says she is, until then Y/N is fair game.” Before Chanyeol can try break his walls further, Jongin pushes past and walks out the door; leaving a fuming Chanyeol behind.

“You’re a real fuckboy, Kim Jongin.” The spiteful words echo down the hall as all their members, their friends watch the interaction between the two but no-one does anything to stop it.

The weekend fast approaches and Chanyeol has become borderline possessive of you, hovering whenever he gets free time and texting you nearly every minute you are apart; it’s a pattern you know all too well and it’s starting to scare you because you should have known, should have realised the signs before it came to this.

Did you give Chanyeol the wrong idea?

Did you mean for things to get like this?

Of course not, you thought you were safe but of course, the past is coming to drag you under.

➳ ** _[Yeollie 1345]_  ** _What are you doing after your final class today?_  
➳ ** _[Y/N 1355]_  ** _I’m tired so I’m going to go to sleep._  
➳ ** _[Yeollie 1357]_  ** _Want me to bring over some food?_  
➳  ** _[Y/N 1400]_  ** _No, thank you Yeollie but I’ll be okay._

You’re lying, you need a drink and you just don’t want him near you when you do. You don’t trust yourself to not ruin the best thing you’ve had in your life even if it’s crashing in on itself; you are determined to do what’s needed to keep Chanyeol at a safe distance so he doesn’t head down the path you travelled a long time ago.

He keeps you away from the dark thoughts, he keeps you happy but he doesn’t sate your needs the way your body needs him to; someone else has taken you in that department and you hate that your twisted cravings desire another man when the one who is perfect for you and is always with you, you can’t find yourself giving into like that.

The final bell rings and you dash towards your dorm before Chanyeol can find you, there’s a sick pit in your stomach that fills you with guilt because you know he means well but also you feel like he wants to change your mind about the ball.

You had thought about it and a part of you does want to go with him but you aren’t confident in yourself not to relapse; the constant leering of men and being surrounded by alcohol is a disaster waiting to happen – so you remain firm in your position of not attending.

Until convinced otherwise.

The club is buzzing with life, a life that you want to forget but also a life that begins to vibrate your very core as you wave down the bartender and ask for a shot of tequila. You stare at the shot glass for what seems like a lifetime as the memories all begin to flow to the forefront of your mind.

_➳ “Two shots of tequila!” A man you have just met clicks his fingers at the woman behind the bar and you just giggle, the copious amount of alcohol already tingling your body diminishing your disgust at his behaviour; you’re having fun and that’s all you care about._

_➳ “Shall we up the fun?” You place a light blue heart shaped pill on the flat of your tongue and throw back the tequila, swallowing both in one gulp. “Want one?” You wiggle your eyebrows as the man licks his lips; hunger darkening his light coloured eyes._

_➳ The tingling in your system increases as the mixture of alcohol and narcotics inhibits any rational thought and your core drips with desire as you are shoved against the wall in the back of the club, one hand slides up your dress while the other cups a breast; your hands are busy unbuckling his belt and releasing him from the confines of his jeans so you can stroke him while he fingers you – neither caring if you are caught._

_➳ “What’s your name?” He pants, his words almost lost over the loud music vibrating the wall. You don’t answer because you don’t want him to know, he doesn’t_ need _to know and you prefer it that way – ability to remain anonymous and slip into the night while the high crashed around you and you were consumed with regret alone instead of in some stranger’s bed._

_➳ Only to continue the cycle another night with another stranger._

“Y/N?” A voice you faintly recognise calls from behind you and you startle back to the present, gripping the glass and tossing its contents back before facing him.

“Jongin.” His plump lips twitch at his name and without invitation he sits on the stool beside you, watching you while you wave for another shot. “Did Chanyeol send you to find me?” His chuckle causes you to look at him and you regret doing so.

His pink hair is styled so a few strands fall around his eyes, eyes that are darker in the flashing lights of the club, his soft lips are slightly parted and he raises his eyebrows seductively as he watches you check him out.

And you’ve only looked at his face.

You don’t let your eyes move further than his sharp jaw line because you know that you are definitely not drunk enough for this, not drunk enough to look further at the friend of the man you have developed feelings for.

“Chanyeol said that you were tired, that was before he started talking about how he wants to take you to the ball.” You groan. Part of you is glad he hasn’t given up but also irritated slightly at the fact he’s talking openly about it. “You don’t seem happy about that.”

Two shot glasses are placed in front of you and talking about the ball with someone you would rather avoid causes you to throw them back one after the other.

“It’s not that I don’t want to go with him…” You try to think about the reason but you are unsure of how to explain it without outing your deepest, darkest secret.

Not that effectively throwing back shot after shot isn’t doing that for you.

“Wow, I’m surprised you can hold your liquor well, Y/N.” Jongin starts indicating for the bartender to come over once more, asking if he can leave the bottle. “For someone who refuses to drink.” He places his glass to his lips and tosses back his head, allowing the slightest drop of tequila to escape and trail down to his chin.

You watch it greedily, every fibre in your body wanting to lean over and lick the trail up to his lips but, even though you’re feeling buzzed, you are not drunk enough to give into  _that_  form of addiction.

Not yet.

The way your legs constantly cross, your eyes flitting down to his lips before turning attention elsewhere, how you softly bite your bottom lip and the rosy blush decorating your cheeks are all subtle signs of your arousal and as much as Jongin wants to drag you from the club and bury himself inside you – he resists.

He surprises himself with this because when he wants something, he usually takes it but you are different; you are something he wants to keep instead of use.

“What would it take for you to come to the ball with me?” You snort at his question, the bottle of tequila empty and forgotten as you face each other, eyes devouring the other but hands resting firmly on the bar. “I’m serious.”

“Kim Jongin, notorious fuckboy, asking  _me_  to the ball?” You sway slightly as you rise from your seat, Jongin nearly reaching to catch you. “I think we’ve both had too many drinks if we are talking like this.” He wants to say he’s disappointed in your reaction but he knows that you’ve heard nothing but the stories that are always assigned to his name, his reputation.

You surprise him by grabbing his hand and pulling him with you towards the middle of the floor, giggling as you push people out of the way. Jongin’s confused about what’s going on at first, standing still while you drunkenly sway to the music, lips singing to the song that’s currently playing.

“Dance with me.” You don’t need to say anything more because Jongin’s quickly pressed behind you and holding your hips nervously as you gyrate your hips and follow his movements. He’s dreamt about this moment and so have you, dreams that haunt you but you can’t seem to get rid of while Jongin’s causes his heart to beat in a way he’s never thought possible.

How can you not see the effect you have on him, on Chanyeol? He wonders if this is normal for you, the way you are able to wrap anyone around your sweet fingers with a kind smile and shy exterior. Do you know what you do to him, how much he’s wanted to change to be worthy in your eyes? He doesn’t hate the way he feels but he hates that he’s invisible for the first time in his life – he’s not the centre of a woman’s attention.

Can you feel his heart beating fast against your back as he rests his chin on your shoulder?

He inhales deeply as you dance with him, remembering the way you smell and the way you feel in his arms. The dress you are wearing is sitting just below your round cheeks and the cut is low, revealing the black lace cups of your bra and Jongin can’t help the way his hands grip tighter at your waist as he softly grinds his growing erection against you.

An action that seems to snap you out of the drunken, horny trance you are in.

You turn to face Jongin, placing a hand firmly between you as your wide eyes scan his appearance as your mind suddenly sobers. You notice the heavy rise and fall of his chest, the white, skin tight turtle neck clinging to his sweaty body and you can see the outline of his erection through the tight white jeans he’s wearing.

“No,” is all you say, shaking your head and stepping away. “I-I can’t, I’m sorry.” You dash for the exit, leaving Jongin frozen for a few moments before he takes chase. Once the startling cold air hits your overheated body, you double over and empty your stomach; the familiar burn of bile sits in your throat and you wipe the corners of your mouth before running once more.

Where are you running to? You don’t know but all you do know is that the only way you stop is if your legs collapse under you and you, hopefully, pass out.

“Y/N,” you can hear Jongin is out of breath behind you, gaining quickly as your legs begin to stumble in the high heels you wear and your feet start to hurt. “Y/N, just stop and tell me what’s wrong.” He’s worried about you, the university playboy is  _worried_ about  _you,_ you choke out a half-sob half-laugh as you finally collapse to the ground – knees thankfully landing on grass; you don’t recognise your surroundings but at this moment, you don’t care.

“I can’t keep doing this, Jongin.” He kneels beside you, wanting to reach out but unsure of his own actions. When you peek over at him, you see the shiest of smiles on his handsome features, a striking contrast to the arrogant smirk he normally wears.

“What can’t you do?” You’re about to answer when your phone starts ringing and you quickly check the caller I.D:  
 _Yeollie_

You don’t answer, you can’t answer and the tears that have been sitting behind your glossy eyes finally fall. What are you going to do? What are you going to say?

“I’m an addict,” you begin, the words sticking in your throat, “a recovering addict – well, not now.” Jongin remains quiet as you try to speak with clarity but end up choking out half of the words, words that you have been dreading to tell anyone. “I was in rehab for various addictions and my doctor and mother thought it would be best to do something that made me happy, something to help me take my mind off the constant itch. It was pure luck I got accepted into this university but dancing has always made me happy.” You sniff and Jongin shuffles closer. “I was doing so well and then I met you and Chanyeol.” You look up with accusations in your eyes but it only draws Jongin closer. “Do you know how hard it is? How hard it is to be so close to something that fuels your addiction but you have to do  _everything_  in your power to avoid it? To be so close to something that you desperately want but are too afraid of destroying so you build up walls to keep it at arm’s length?” You are surprised when he wraps strong arms around you, enveloping you in his honey and cinnamon scent; it’s different to how Chanyeol holds you. Your body begins to relax as Jongin lets you cry while Chanyeol’s hugs cause you to blush deeply like a teenager with a crush.

Both feel safe; feel like home but in completely different ways.

“I do know how you feel; I also know how Chanyeol feels. He’s in love with you, Y/N, completely smitten and I can tell you feel strongly for him too.” He lets you go, pink hair slightly in disarray from running after you. “I want you like that too but…” He trails off, eyes flickering above your head and at someone walking towards you. “I have a reputation that would do more harm to you than good. I see that now.” Jongin stands up, leaving you sitting on the ground; his soft features immediately covering with the mask he wears so well. “Sorry to break your heart, Y/N.” He raises his voice; you look up at him in confusion and notice he’s no longer looking at you. “But that’s just the way I am, baby.” As he leaves you, he bumps into the taller figure and whispers words you only just manage to catch.

_“She’s all yours, Yeol.”_

As the days pass by, they are filled with conflicting emotions – emotions which cause you to scream into your pillow at night because you want, no,  _need_  to feel nothing but instead you feel everything all at once.

You feel happy, every time Chanyeol smiles brightly at you.

You feel sad, every time you catch Jongin’s eye during class.

You feel exhausted with the exams looming ever closer.

You feel angry at yourself for not being able to be normal.

You feel tired even after sleeping a solid eight hours.

You feel the addiction, the constant itch, the longing burn.

Even Chanyeol hasn’t been able to save you from yourself.

“Emotional stress can cause this response.” Kyungsoo sits in your room, nose buried inside a book while you impatiently pace the length of your room. “Has anything happened recently that has caused you to feel under more pressure than usual?” You laugh, raising an eyebrow at him as if he’s blind.

“Oh, I don’t know,” your tone is snarky, snappy because of the forever need you feel. “Exams, Chanyeol’s proposal of taking me to the ball and the fact that I want to ravish Kim Jongin until he forgets every girl he’s ever been with.”

“That would be a feat.” You throw a pillow at Kyungsoo, you should feel bad but your bad mood is fuelled by an addict’s withdrawals and emotions not those of a clean Y/N.

“You are not helping, Soo.  _Help me._ ” He can see the desperation in your eyes and he sighs, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he ponders a solution.

“You have to choose.” You are dumbfounded, your mouth agape as you blink dumbly at him. “This all started because you started to develop feelings for both Chanyeol and Jongin, even if it was originally in different ways, you still want them in some form of way – romantically and sexually. You are afraid that if you try something with Chanyeol, it could fail and you would ruin something good and resort to drugs and alcohol to cope and you’re afraid that if you tried with Jongin that it might fuel your nymphomania and you’ll head down that path again.”

You have to give it to him, he knows what he’s talking about.

“You are strong, Y/N. Believe that and make a decision. You’re strong enough to change the both of them and if not making a decision is causing you so much turmoil, imagine the relief you’ll feel once you choose.” You nod, sitting down finally and staring at your phone.

The decision needs to be soon, you know this.

Do you accept Chanyeol’s offer to go with him to the ball, taking the step towards what can be the brightest, softest love you could ever experience or do you see if Jongin wants to take you instead and take a step towards an all-consuming, fiery love that your body enjoys and craves?

With a fateful sigh, you dial his number and wait for him to answer…


	4. Chanyeol's Happy Ending

The deep blue dress hugs your curves and the black heels you’ve decided to wear with them accentuate your strong calves as you walk across the marble floor. You feel eyes on you, from every angle but the wide pair of eyes that catch your attention brings a gentle, shy smile to your face. Park Chanyeol waits with his group except for one member, his hand outstretched as he helps you up the stairs and into the main hall – where the ball is already in full swing.

“You’re late.” He leans down slightly to whisper in your ear, your long, honey hair is curled and a few strands flutter against his breath. “I thought you weren’t going to come.”

“I wanted to make an entrance.” You smile up at him and are blessed with the brightest smile, reaching his ears as he tightens his hold on your hand.

“Well, you did well; no-one could take their eyes off you when you strolled through like a model.” You giggle, a soft blush flattering your cheeks. A soft melody plays from the speakers and Chanyeol bows low, bending in half with your hand still firmly clutched in his and eyes full of child-like mischief. “May I have this dance?”

The way you float across the floor catches the attention of everyone within the vicinity and Chanyeol can’t help but feel so proud to have you gliding by his side, you smell of lilacs from the perfume you wear, skin glowing as you smile with crinkled eyes and pearly white teeth; you’re having fun, you’re in his arms and you’re having fun. Chanyeol places his hands on your hips, pulling you closer as you lace your delicate fingers behind his head.

“I want to kiss you,” his sweet breath tickles your nose and his voice is shy as he admits his desires, “I’ve always wanted to kiss you from the moment we met but I’ve been-”

“Scared?” He hums, a blush evident on his ears as he breaths out a gentle laugh. Thanks to the heels you don’t need to try so hard to reach his supple lips.

The kiss is soft, sweet and ignites a flame that gently warms your soul as you feel like the heavens have opened up to share their eternal love with you. Everything fades into white noise as you completely focus on Chanyeol, the loving kiss, the flutter in your stomach as butterflies take flight and the natural smile that spreads across painted lips as you part to breath.

He’s everything good in life, everything pure and you feel yourself wanting to wake up to him every day, curl into his chest as you close your eyes every day. He’s the calm to the storm, the symphony that causes your feet to dance and you are his muse, the person he dreams about spending his life with, the future he never knew he wanted until you walked into the party.

“Come home with me.” He whispers on your lips, eyes looking deep into your own as he waits for an answer and there is only one you can give.

Nervous hearts beat as you open the door to Chanyeol’s dorm, hand linked tightly with his as he pulls you through the shared living area; Chanyeol bends down to help you out of the heels that have been killing your feet all night, placing them beside his discarded shoes. He smiles at you as he leads you through the dark dorm, expertly navigating until he reaches his dark room.

The only light that illuminates the room is the moon that shines through the window, bathing everything its silver glow as the stars twinkle around the calm night sky.

As you admire the way your skin glows with the soft light, a kiss is placed on the side of your neck; you hum as you crane your neck to the side and allow Chanyeol more skin to lavish in gentle pecks. His hand guides the zipper of your dress down your back, slowly and carefully, savouring every moment you are in his presence; large hands guides the dress from your shoulders as he kisses every inch of skin exposed to him, sending goose bumps along your arms and down your back.

“You’re so beautiful,” Chanyeol whispers against you, hands hesitantly unclasping your strapless navy, lace bra and dropping it to the floor where your dress is pooled at your feet. “So angelic,” his rough hands skim around until they cup your breasts, nipples erect from arousal and the cold air while your back is heated by his warmth and he kneads them with care, pinching your nipples hard enough to send shocks to your core.

“Ahh~” you breath out, leaning your head against his strong shoulder as he takes his time with your bosom, all the while kissing your sensitive neck, sometimes giving a sharp nip just feel you shake against him.

“I can give you everything,” he turns you to face him, looking deep into your eyes, conveying the love that’s consumed his heart as he kisses the side of your lips. “I  _want_  to give you everything,” he kisses your smiling lips, smiling because the words he speaks are filled with so much sincerity it swells inside your own racing heart.

“You already do, Yeollie.” When your lips reconnect, it’s passionate. Heads tilted to deepen the kiss while tongues dance to the rhythm played inside your chests.

Pure love.

That’s what Chanyeol is.

A love that does not demand, you know this as he’s never pressured you for much, never asked you for more than you can give.

A love that brought you inner truth, a truth that has remain hidden behind years of living in fear: you are strong enough to beat this.

Park Chanyeol is the purest of love and he’s willing to give all of himself to you because for the first time in your life you can accept it; accept him.

“I love you,” you whisper against his lips, legs hitting the back of his bed as he lowers you carefully as if not to break the moment. “I love you,” you open your eyes and see his dark orbs with tears in them as if your confession is what he’s been waiting his entire life to hear.

“I love you too, Y/N.” You watch as he slides off his jacket, your hands helping with the buttons of his white dress shirt and slide it off his wide shoulders. “Are you-” he hesitates, hands resting on his belt as he looks down at your nearly naked form on his bed. “Are you sure?” You bite your lip, nodding as you watch him strip off the rest of his clothes while you shimmy out of the matching panties you are still wearing.

“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.” Rubbing long fingers against your arousal, Chanyeol looks into your eyes as he slides himself in, stilling when you’re filled completely so you can adjust. Your lips fall open, a sweet moan filling the room as he moves, the pace slow and sensual as you meet with every thrust.

“So beautiful,” Chanyeol watches as you close your eyes, biting your lips as you let out little moans at the pleasure given from his hips. Eventually, the pace becomes quicker; Chanyeol lifts your legs to drape over his shoulders as he leans closer – reaching deeper and his member hits your g-spot with every quick thrust he gives.

“Cha-” You cry out, eyes wide as the pleasure intensifies, the sensation building inside your abdomen causes every nerve to become sensitive as Chanyeol leans forwards to place gentle sucks along your collarbone. “Yeol,” choking out the last of his name, your thighs clench together as the waves wash through you, hot white blurs your vision as your fingers bury deep into the pillow behind your head and the bicep you grip tightly – sure to leave a mark.

“Can-can I…” His teeth are clenched as he holds his own orgasm at bay, wanting nothing more to release his seed inside you but wanting to be sure. You nod, your walls pulsating around him as he lets go, spurts of cum coating your lubricated walls as he moans out your name.

You have never felt so relaxed after sex, normally running for the hills but you don’t move – because you can’t.

Chanyeol has you wrapped up in his long arms, legs tangled with yours as he kisses your shoulder and neck. His kisses calm your body as you snuggle closer into his sweaty, naked body; closing your eyes to try and allow your body some rest.

“Y/N?” His husky, tired voice breaks the silence that surrounds you, you hum in response. “Kyungsoo told me about your past.” There is a tinge of sadness, pity in his voice as he lifts up onto his elbow to look down at you.

“Did that change how you felt about me?” The lopsided smile you receive sends butterflies into your stomach as your heart quickens; Chanyeol shakes his head, damp hair flopping around and sticking to his forehead.

“I love you,” he begins, making sure you can see the truth in his wide, soft eyes. “I love you for all that you are, all that you have been and all that you’re yet to be.” You giggle at the weight his words hold.

“Park Chanyeol, that sounds almost like a proposal.” You joke, leaning up to capture his lips before snuggling back into his embrace.

“Not yet, right now that is a promise. You are the stars that twinkle in the sky, you are the melodies I create, and you are the flowers that blossom on the first day of spring. I cannot give you much, not yet but I can give you the promise that one day, one day I will make you my wife and show you all that is good in the world.” Tears begin to fall through your closed eyelids at his confession, his promise.

A promise he fulfilled the day the both of you graduated.

As the group celebrated their achievements and future together, Chanyeol dropped to one knee, pulling a simple diamond ring from his dress pants and cheers were shouted before you could give him an answer.

He knew your answer; it was clear from the tears that fell as he smiled the same bright, toothy smile you loved so much.

The cravings never came back after you decided to follow your heart, the nightmares that plagued your sleep for endless nights stopped the moment you fell asleep in his arms and as Chanyeol slid the ring onto your left hand, you knew; this man, the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with, the same man who would trip over to run to your side or sing you to sleep on a stormy, was the best thing to ever come from being an addict.

The purest of loves that helped overcome your darkest of sins.


	5. Jongin's Happy Ending

➳ ** _[Y/N 2120]_  ** _Are you free tomorrow night?_

The text comes through as Jongin lies on his bed, member in hand as he sighs your name; he doesn’t see it, doesn’t hear the three vibrations it makes on his bedside table, all he sees is you in his mind’s eye and hears how shaky your voice would be as he buries himself inside you.

He grips tighter, hips lifting off the sheets as strings of white squirts onto his abdomen while he bites his lip to refrain from moaning too loud; a lone bead of sweat trails down the side of his face as Jongin catches his breath, oh how he wishes he could have you.

➳ _ **[Y/N 2130]**  _ _Jongin, please…_

This string of vibrations causes him to open his eyes, dark orbs adjusting to the darkness that surrounds him as he reaches around with his free hand for his phone, cursing as he knocks it to the floor. Cleaning himself up, Jongin unlocks his phone to read the messages you have sent, a smirk appears on his lips as he imagines how needy you would sound saying his name but his heart also somersaults as he thinks about you wanting to see him tomorrow.

Did you make a choice?

Is it him that you want?

➳ ** _[Jongin 2145]_  ** _Y/N, is everything alright?_

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up so he replies the only thing he can think of that will give him a clear answer on what you are wanting.

He knows he would give you it all, if that’s what you wanted.

➳  ** _[Y/N 2147]_  ** _Yeah, I just wanted to know if you would like to come over tomorrow night._  
➳ ** _[Jongin 2150]_  ** _For you, anything._

He lies down on his bed, running a hand through his hair as he thinks about you; the way your hair flows behind you when you dance, the accent you speak with when you talk and how you’ll swear in English when frustrated. Jongin realised that in the time since he first seen you, you grabbed his attention in more ways than any woman has before; you are perfect with all the flaws you possess, the past you keep hidden, the addiction, Jongin knows he would accept it all if it meant he could have you.

Could you accept him too?

You should feel nervous but for the first time in a long time, you are calm; your heart beats a little faster than normal but ever since making the decision, you’ve never felt more right in your life. You don’t try to do too much with terms of appearance, if Jongin’s reputation is anything to go by then you won’t be wearing it for long so the clothes you decide to wear are your normal. Pyjama shorts with a plain black noodle strap singlet, no make-up and your hair tied up in a messy bun; if Kim Jongin can find you attractive like this, then you know he’s not all talk.

A loud knock causes you to jump as you stare at the TV, the volume is turned down but the program playing looks slightly interesting – not interesting enough to keep your guest waiting. You open the door with a smile, but what you see when you open the door causes your jaw to drop.

Kim Jongin, who you expected to turn up decked out in the most mouth-watering clothes he has in his wardrobe, stands before you in a pair of grey sweats that hang loosely on his hips, a simple white shirt that hugs him slightly and his hair wasn’t slicked back.

“You’ve taken your earrings out?” You take a step closer, closing the door before running a hand through the soft pink hair, tugging slightly at the ends and watching how Jongin’s eyes flutter closed for a second.

“I can go get them to put back in if you’d like.” He teases as you shake your head, biting your lip as you trail your fingers down the shell of his ear to the naked lobes; like this, you wouldn’t believe that he is Kai, that boy with the bad reputation because he look so… soft. “Y/N,” he whispers, pulling you from your musings and playing with his earlobes. “Why did you want me to come over?” He raises an eyebrow, clearly already knowing the answer but needing the consent from you before he makes his move – a move he’s been wanting since he watched you dancing with Chanyeol at the Meet.

“Kim Jongin, don’t tell me you have no clue as to why I invited you to my dorm?” He chuckles, a cheeky smile spreading on his lips as he walks past you, heading for your bed.

“Maybe you want some company while you watch this?” He waves a hand towards the humming TV, before lying down on your bed, watching you walk towards him – swaying your hips as you do so.

“Maybe I wanted to cuddle,” the bed sinks as it supports your weight, straddling Jongin’s hips. “Maybe I wanted to see what your reputation was all about,” you glide your thumb across his sharp jawline, feeling the stubble before you place a kiss below his ear. “Maybe I wanted to see if what I feel is real.” Jongin’s hands place on your waist as you lean down to kiss those succulent lips; they feel like velvet against yours and the way he shudders under you shows he’s enjoying this as much as you.

“What do you feel?” He whispers against your lips, warm breath fanning over your tingling skin as you begin to grind against him – a groan passes through parted lips as his grip tightens.

“Passion,” you kiss him again, taking his plump bottom lip between your teeth. “Desire,” you grind a little harder against the growing member you can feel in his loose sweats. “Love,” his hands slide up your body as he lifts your singlet, sitting up as he throws it to the floor – revealing your perky mounds.

“Love…” Jongin trails off; he kisses a sweet spot on your neck, sucking harshly until he’s satisfied with the moan that you sigh. “Love is dangerous.” He meets your hips, humping you as he devours your breasts with greedy hands and a hungry mouth. There is no inch of your flesh that isn’t kissed or marked as you continue to dry hump.

“It’s frightening,” you manage to get out, hands tugging at his shirt until that meets yours on the floor and you’re left with the most delicious body your eyes have ever seen.

Caramel skin pulled over a toned chest and chiselled abs that flex with every roll of his hips meeting yours.

Clothes are discarded quickly as you fight for dominance, you have no idea how he managed to gain control but he has you screaming his name. Your fingers pulling at the roots of his hair until he’s moaning against your neck, another dark hickey blossoming on your skin as he bites the sensitive skin; his pace is merciless, rough as he fills you completely with every thrust. You can’t count the amount of times he’s made you cum, still holding his own back.

“Fuck!” You cry; his plush lips are suckling on your earlobe as his erratic breathing drowns out any other noises, his musk, a sweet honey mixed with sweat, invading your nose as you place a harsh kiss on his shoulder, tasting the saltiness of his skin on your tongue. One hand wraps around his strong body as you dig your nails into his back, red angry marks leaving evidence of the rough night he’s giving you.

His body and yours are connected as one; never have you felt so intimate than you do in this moment as you release his shoulder to cry his name out once more, the intensity of the orgasm causing the world to fade for a moment before he envelopes you once again. This time, Jongin can’t hold himself back as he jerks his hips one last time, coating your pulsing walls with his hot release.

Jongin doesn’t move, his weight pressing on you as you both try to regain your senses; tender kisses are shared before he rolls over to the side – making sure you remain firmly in his embrace.

“Kim Jongin, a cuddler? Who would have guessed?” He buries his face into your now loose hair, planting a quick kiss before tightening his hold.

“I didn’t even know I was one myself.” He chuckles, the vibrations shaking through you as you feel his chest move. “Honestly, I never thought I would fall in love until I met you.” You hum in agreement, afraid of what could happen if this love fizzled into ashes.

A primal love, Eros, with passionate flames that burns so hot that it burns out quickly; a dangerous love that can cause you to lose all control – something you do too well.

“You are my drug,” Jongin whispers against your skin. “That night, when we were drinking at the bar; I felt something I’ve never felt before and the moment I left you, I felt empty inside. I needed you desperately and every time I saw you and couldn’t have you near, I felt like I was dying.” Tears prickle against closed eyelids as you listen to him speak so sincerely.

You know that even though the love you feel for Jongin, in this moment, is an intense form of love that arouses sexual and romantic feelings; it is something that, if the flames are kept burning, can develop deeper, into a love that can grow beyond the carnal needs.

A real love.

Sleep came easy after that night, the warmth that radiates from Jongin coupled with his gentle snores as he falls deeper into slumber as you are cradled in his arms, calms every nerve and fear you ever feel. You still don’t know what the future holds, you take every day as it come and you both take the ups and downs in your stride.

You learnt that being addicted to him isn’t so bad; his laughter, his smile, his pout, the way he would take over the bed, even the glint in his eyes as he makes your toes curl and your throat scratchy from screaming his name – everything about him has you addicted.

The sweetest addiction you’ve ever had.


End file.
